I don't handle free time very well. That's not to say that I don't enjoy a break every once in a while, or that I don't know how to manage my own time. No, what I mean is that I really don't like not having a project. In the past I have always filled my time with as much organized activity as humanly possible. In school this meant taking twice the number of classes required, after I graduated that meant working multiple jobs while performing in the evening. Needless to say I thrive under pressure and I like a full schedule.
Now, for perhaps the first time in my life I find myself unable to do this. On my visa I am only allowed to work in the arts. This means that I cannot get a civilian job to help either pay the bills or pass the time. This is a big problem for me. What it does mean is that I can really focus on theatre, which is part of the reason I moved to London in the first place. I found myself working a full time job that made me really unhappy, and I wasn't doing the work I wanted to. So now I am in a situation where I cannot take another job. It is a weird experience. I am kind of losing my mind a little bit!!!!!
Like any period of unemployment it has its ups and its downs. On the up side it does mean that I can focus completely on what I want to be doing. I get up and I often have the house to myself, so I can sing and be as loud as I need without disturbing anyone or feeling self conscious. I joined another audition listing site, one that I am in control of so I can submit myself for auditions. Up until now I have left that mostly in the hands of my agent. And as someone who is used to taking care of everything myself that has been rather difficult for me. I have a few auditions lined up for the next week, so hopefully something will come from one of those!
The downs are all the normal things you would expect. Anxiety about money, frustration at not having a job, fear that I will never get one. Nothing that is out of the ordinary. The trick is trying to avoid dwelling on all of these worries. I have learned that this is difficult to accomplish while cooped up at home with possibly the worlds worst cold. Not quite sick enough that I was bed ridden, but too sick to accomplish much. However I am now fully recovered and back up on the horse.
Even while I was sick I did manage to accomplish something, actually it was something really important. I finally got myself a voice over agent! This is something that I have been working on for about a year now. After one false start last year I have actually achieved one of my big goals for the year. Very very excited about this.
In all honesty, although it has been a very frustrating month, I am actually in a pretty good place professionally. In the year since I graduated I have managed to sign with both a theatrical and a voice agent.I have auditioned for a handful of shows, including a few West End productions. I have had one professional contract with a prestigious company. And I have managed to secure for myself (for the time being at least) a UK visa. Not half bad. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, and I am sure quite a lot of frustration and anxiety to go with it. But all in all, I'd say absolutely not bad.
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