....
Looking back at this term I think that
self discipline has been both one of my successes and one of my
challenges. I have made a point of arriving at Central an hour early
to each morning so that I can warm up and work on music rep while the
practice rooms are empty. This also allows me to collect myself and
get my head in the game before class. I have pushed myself to check
out new CDs every week, and have photocopied more music than I can
actually work on. I have not been as good about reading new plays,
which is actually rather disappointing. Before this year I was
working at a theatre that focused on contemporary plays, so I had
ready access to tons of new material. I would always read what was
being considered for the next season, as well as become intimately
familiar with the shows we were actually producing. Most of the shows
in consideration were very new, several of them were world premiers.
Without that impetus I have found it harder to branch out on my own.
I no longer have constant suggestions of exciting new plays to read,
and revert to what I already know.
Where I feel like I have failed in self
discipline is the ability to push past what is required. I put in a
ton of effort finding music, working on my rep, practicing for my
voice lessons. However once I have brought a piece in to class I
immediately focus on the next project, rather than continuing with
that one. I should try to expand and improve on the pieces I already
have in my repertoire, but I get so caught up in working on new
pieces that I neglect that side of things. I also find that I do this
physically, although I am working on it. I know that I need to get
back into peak physical shape, especially for my dancing. It has been
quite some time since I have taken dance classes regularly. But so
far (in my career in general) I have been able to get by without
them. I still have all of the training, I learn choreography quickly,
and my body remembers how to do all of the steps, but I have nowhere
near the stamina and control that I used to have. I have just relied
on the fact that I am already a good dancer, and have known my
competition rather than trying to further myself. I know that where I
am now I couldn't compete with the dancers in New York, and I would
like to get to the point where I can. I have not found any dance
classes here yet, but I have started going to the gym which is at
least a step in the right direction. So, dance classes are another
goal
One of the things that I have always
found difficult is self perception. I mean this in a couple of ways.
First of all I have a hard time gauging what I am actually putting
forward in my work, what I think I am showing vs what the audience
actually sees. I love the work that we have been doing in performance
workshop, and I hope we continue to work like that, but I have a hard
time bringing that to my outside practice. I don't really know if the
level of my work has shifted throughout the course, or if I am still
acting at the same level as when I arrived. And this is one of the
things I most want to change. I feel like of the skills required for
Musical Theatre acting is certainly my weakest quality. This self
perception is part of the reason for that. I have a hard time gauging
my actual work. I don't feel as lost with either my vocal or physical
work, I find it much easier to track my progress and notice the
differences in my practice. So I really want to work on my acting,
both the quality of the work I am bringing in, and my self doubt
brought on by my inability to critique myself.
This self doubt also ties in to
choosing repertoire, although I think this is a universal dilemma. I
have been bringing in pieces that I want to work on, that I think are
good matches for me, but I am never sure about a roles suitability. I
am interested to hear some outside input into the songs and roles
that I should work on, because I often feel like peoples perception
of me is different than my own. I have been trying to branch out my
knowledge of shows and songs, but inevitably I come back to the ones
I already know and love. This is one of the things I am currently
working on, broadening my knowledge of existing music. On Monday I am
actually bringing in a song that I had absolutely no knowledge of
before this term, which is a first, and I am quite excited about it.
I would like to do more of this!
As for music rep, I have not brought in
a single song that I had worked on before this term, every single one
of them was new. Most of them, however were from shows that I knew
quite well, I only started branching out into shows that were new to
me just recently, so I would like to improve that. I have tried to
branch out the styles of songs that I have brought in. My goal was to
bring in songs that were different, either in style or tone, or both,
from the ones I had brought in earlier. I want to continue working on
this. I think I could go even farther, pushing my range. I don't
think I ever truly stepped completely out of my comfort zone with the
music I was working on. I know that I should work on more high
soprano rep, but at the beginning of the term one of the things that
I wanted to work on was my belt range. I think that I did work on
some of that. Again, I know I can go farther, but I am starting to
feel like belting isn't out of my range. Mostly, what I want is to
avoid getting pigeonholed.
I have noticed a lot of progress in my
voice. I feel much stronger in my singing, and I know that my range
is much steadier than it was. I believe I have a much more consistent
sound through my entire range, rather than having patches that are
stronger or weaker than others. I am much more supported physically,
and more relaxed in my vocal chords (although I am still working on
that one). I can never quite achieve the extreme results from my time
with Maria outside of the lessons, but I continue to push myself. And
even just knowing that I can get that range and sound out of my voice
has helped me let go of my tension. I am feeling really great about
the work we have been doing on my voice.
I know that I am more physically fit
than I was at the beginning of the term, even without taking extra
dance classes. And I think I am making progress in my mental fitness
as well. One of my goals throughout this whole term has been to think
quicker on my feet, and while I am nowhere near where I want to be, I
think I am getting better. The expectations Gary has of us in classes
has really helped with that. He doesn't let us get away with falling
back on generalities, and is clear and straightforward about when we
are doing just that. Do it 5 times differently is something that I
need to start forcing myself to do outside of class! I get far to in
my head, over thinking most things and bogging myself down. I want to
get more comfortable with making snap decisions and faster choices.
Goals for the rest of this term (and
beyond). Continue expanding both my knowledge of musicals and my
repertoire. Step more outside of my comfort zone in the pieces that I
am working on- vocal range and style, character choices, and previous
knowledge of the material. Get back into reading more plays,
especially contemporary playwrights. I want to be better about
following up the work that I am doing. To return to pieces I have
already brought in and take them further. I want to think faster on
my feet. I want to find a dance studio. I also want to host more
combination classes for everyone else. The ones I have done I have
really enjoyed, and I get quite a lot out of them as well. I want to
have a clearer idea of what my abilities actually are, especially
when it comes to my acting skills. Be able to gauge what I am
actually doing verses what I think I am doing.
Thanks for sticking with my through
this long e-mail, I hope it is clear. I am looking forward to
evaluations, although I do wish we could continue this term and the
intensive technique work.
....
Phew.
Right, enough of that. Thanks for sticking with me through that whole ramble. Now I am off to go see Phantom with a fellow North American (my Canadian classmate Esther). I'll write more about my reading week and the rest of my Copenhagen trip soon.
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