Before I dive in to this week I just want to touch on the end of last week. Sunday night's performance was an interesting one, for a couple of reasons. First of all the guys were allowed to invite their families to this performance. I think they are allowed to invite them to a few of the other shows as well, but this was the first of them. So many of them had family members or friends in the audience. This made a lot of them rather nervous about performing. Its one thing to perform in front of a group of your peers its another entirely to invite family, and family who are complete outsiders to your situation, in to see the show. Most of them were a wreck of nerves and excitement in anticipation of the reactions their families might have.
Secondly we had some technical difficulties. Basically what happened was our lighting rigging went on the fritz. About half way through the show the director decided to stop the performance to sort this all out. She did point out that had we proceeded there would be some scenes in complete darkness, so it was rather necessary to get it fixed. However this did mean that we stopped for about half an hour. This is always unfortunate because it is very easy to lose the energy in moments like this. However our director, being amazing as ever, invites some of the guys out on stage to chat with the audience and have an informal Q & A. Now the last session like this went rather poorly, if you remember. This was a bit different. I think because it was friends and family asking the questions, and there were more guys who got involved, the tone of the whole thing was much friendlier. Genuinely curious, rather than belittling. And some of the guys really got in to it. Standing in the wings I couldn't quite hear the whole thing, but what I did catch was great. The guys talked about how the show has given them confidence, and about what was difficult about the rehearsal process. I really felt like they were allowed to have their own voice for a few minutes. So that was pretty cool. We were all pretty beat getting out of the show that much later, but I think it was actually a great experience.
It was really interesting meeting peoples families after the show. I tried to meet as many as I could, so I didn't really get a chance to chat with any of them for any length of time. This was partly on purpose. The guys get so little time with their family I didn't really want to impinge and take away any focus. But I do wish that I had taken the chance to chat with some of them more. I know it was hard for some of them, just having those few minutes after the show.
This is starting to get in to what I have been thinking about this week. The project itself has been amazing. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. However it has also been really hard, especially in these final weeks. For example after a long rehearsal or a show the cast will normally go out together and unwind a bit. In this case, HALF of the cast does this. The other half get sent back to their wing for the evening. It is hard to have that very clear divide put back between us, after spending so long building the show together as an ensemble. We have grown quite close as a cast, and it gets harder and harder to leave the guys at the end of the night. It was incredibly difficult to drive away on Sunday knowing that they were really all just waiting for us to come back for the shows on Wednesday. A lot of them do have jobs in the prison, and they keep themselves busy, but a lot of them have mentioned how this is the only thing they have to look forward to. Its hard to walk away when you know how much it means to them.
I have had guys say to me that the 6 weeks working on the show is like 6 weeks out of prison. They have mentioned that they have seen us more during this time than they get to see their families in a year. Now I know they are in prison, and they aren't supposed to have it easy, but I do think there should be more programs like this one. Looking at how much the guys have changed during the process has been amazing. Ultimately the goal is rehabilitation so these guys can reenter society and not re-offend. Seeing how much these guys are starved for human company, and situations where they are treated like equals it is hard to walk away. Looking at the guys - the lack of self worth that they had walking in to the project, and how much it has changed them, you can sort of see how they ended up here. Now, I don't know everyone's story, and frankly I don't think I need to or really have the right to ask them. But, I know they have all made mistakes in their lives (Some of them I want to smack up side the head and ask them WHAT they were thinking). But they are all people. They all deserve to be reminded of that, and to have someone tell them that they are worth something, which I think most of these guys never really got before this.
I was pretty much a wreck after heading home on Sunday evening. Ultimately it has been a good thing to have two days away, to collect my thoughts and get a good nights sleep. But I am antsy to get back. I have missed the guys, and I have missed the girls in the cast, (we have also become very close working together on this project). I know it will be even harder to leave for good after the show ends, but I have to enjoy the time we have left. I know I cannot articulate all of the things I am feeling. And I am trying to be careful of how much I can put up here. But I at least want to get down some of the things I am feeling. I'm going to stop my ramble for this evening because we have to be up and out early to get out to there for a two show day. So off to bed I go, and then off to prison I go in the morning.
I cant wait!
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