Day 21: Milestones

One year ago today, my husband and I got in to a helicopter and flew down the Vegas strip. While aloft we made promises to each other, and when we landed we were husband and wife. It was an incredible day. Several months later, in May to be precise, we had an official wedding - with all of our friends and family. The day was incredible, and we were so wonderfully happy. But that helicopter in Vegas, that was the real beginning. That was something special. It was just the two of us, being there for each other. It was really special.

Right now, will is somewhere in the air, on his way back to the UK. He will get back slightly after our anniversary (according to the UK time zone) but if you go by Vegas time, he'll be back well before the end of the day.

It's incredible to think that it has been an entire year. It has certainly been an eventful one. The first few months of our marriage we lived in separate countries. Then once our paperwork was approved and I was allowed to move back to the UK, Will was on a training course and it would have been impractical. So in the past year we've lived apart, Will has trained on a new aircraft, I have moved to the UK and we've started a new life together. We moved in to a new flat, I signed with a new agent, and we've had all sorts of new things thrown our way.

I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love that man. He is amazing. And I love what we are together. We each make each other better, more than we are alone. And it's awesome. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

On a less momentous note - today is the 21st day of both my writing and my self taping. Three weeks of each. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit. So here we are. Let's hope they stick!

Day 20: Best of Britain

Note to self - 'healthy' versions of tasty baked goods are less than tasty. Chickpeas are not an adequate substitute for butter. Dang! I had high hopes but it confirmed my fears. Not good!!! Bummer. Maybe I'll make some good old fashioned butter-full brownies. It probably isn't helping my cravings that I've discovered the great British bake off. So many tasty looking baked goods.

I spent the rest of the day channeling my British side in other ways. I took an all day workshop focusing on the RP (Received Pronunciation) accent. Posh British basically. There wasn't anything revelatory, but it was good practice. We got to spend the afternoon reading through Private Lives, which I loved. It's such a fun and clever piece of theatre. I'd love to get a chance to work on it in full at some point. But I do think that while I am living in the UK it is highly unlikely that I'll get a chance to play those sorts of roles. But you never know! I am hoping that when we do move back to the states (eventually?) I'll own all the British characters. I'll have the best accent in town.

I'm glad to be home on the couch now. It's been a hectic couple of days, which has been good. And social time tomorrow, which I am very excited about. Theatre tickets and then hopefully sharing a bottle of wine, or three with one of my favorite people. And to top it all off, Will is home tomorrow night. Well, early Sunday morning. He just missed our anniversary by a matter of hours. Hopefully we'll get to celebrate when he is home. Can't wait!

Day 19: I Made It!

Well I got through today! Recall, meeting, long trek, audition, long trek, work. I feel pretty good about how everything went. I should hear pretty soon about the recall as well.

Crossing my fingers! I would really like this job.

Now, bed.

Day 18: Feast or Famine

Goodness! Tomorrow is going to be incredibly busy. I'm not sure when I'm going to do all of my self appointed tasks. It's an adventure.

It's amazing how things come in waves. Things have been very quiet for a lot of the summer. Now, when the seasons start turning several exciting opportunities have fallen into my lap. I haven't secured any of them yet so I don't want to jinx it. But it's still exciting, the possibility.

Tomorrow, I not only have a recall for a show I am very excited about (and think I am quite well suited for, if I do say so myself), I have an audition with a touring show and a meeting with a director about stepping in to a show someone has dropped out of suddenly. And to top it off I am working in the evening. What an awful lot of running around I'll be doing.

Having this many opportunities is great. It means that I can spread my energy and focus so I don't get hung up on any one project. The flip side of this is that I have to make sure I don't lose focus all together.

I have a few classes booked to keep me going after my spate of auditions. And a theatre date for the weekend again! I've been making a concerted effort to keep myself busy and working, even if it's just on my own projects. This has been really good for my soul. I am so much happier when I am busy. I'm trying to take all of the positivity from class on Friday to heart. It really does make a difference in every aspect of my life. I do feel like now that I have started being productive for myself that things are starting to come back to me. And even if they don't turn out this time I feel better just in myself!

Early night tonight so I can get up and kick ass tomorrow!!

Day 17: Late, Late, Late

I am finding the writing so much harder to keep up with than the daily self taping. This seems ironic as the taping is much more labor intensive than the writing. Maybe that is why, I have to make a concerted effort every day to film, whereas I am casual about the writing.

Damn!

Day 16: Audition Prep

Today I brought out my inner New Yorker. For my recall on Thursday they've asked us to bring in a New York or New Jersey accent. So I've been doing my research and learning that classic (mostly dying out) New York sound. It's been rather fun.

In the past I haven't taped my audition prep, so today was a first. It was interesting to watch. I think I'll keep doing it, but it wont be the only thing that I rely on. Part of why I taped it was that Will is out of town, and I usually make watch my auditions before I go in. So since he isn't here right now, I sent the audition to him. He wont have a chance to watch it until tomorrow with time differences and terrible internet. So I'll just have to wait to get his feedback.

I am looking forward to this audition. And I am trying not to get too invested. This is always difficult. But I am trying to take the advice from friday's workshop to heart. Confidence is key. I know that I can do this, and I know that I am right for the show. I just need to walk in there and remind them how awesome I am. They've already seen me once. And clearly they liked what they saw, enough to have me come back. So I just need to hold on to that.

Also I am looking forward to rocking the 60's look again! I was definitely encouraged to start doing this more often. Maybe its time for some thrift shopping.

Day 15: A Day Out

I had a nice little day out today. I definitely find that things tend to be feast or famine, all or nothing. I can try and get things together with my friends for ages and they'll be busy, or they'll flake. Then all of a sudden everyone suggests doing things at once. So today I had a brunch date with my cousin and sister, followed by a theatre and dinner date with a friend of mine. Both were thoroughly delightful.

We went to see the play that goes wrong at the Duchess theatre this afternoon, and oh my goodness I had a good time. It wasn't a terribly original play, and I bet you can guess the premise. A theatre troupe is trying to put on a play, and absolutely everything goes wrong. But goodness, did the comedy work! And that sort of slapstick comedy is so hard to pull off, especially for that length of time. It was relentless. From the moment the curtain went up, to the moment it went down the show just did not stop. Everything from every type of bad amateur actor to the set falling apart around them. And I was not expecting to like it as much as I did, or find it nearly as funny. You could see most of the jokes being set up ahead of time, but just watching them unfold was brilliantly funny.

And all of this started from before the curtain went up. Two of the actors were playing the tech crew, who were getting things set before the show started. This covered everything from laying down floorboards on the stage, to asking audience members if they had fur coats or pets they could fetch to stand in for the dog in the second act. Then the woman playing the stage manager approached me in the audience and pulled me up on stage. Now normally I hate audience interaction. I always feel like if I am not actually in the show I don't want to be on the stage. But they handled this quite well. I got to be part of the on stage business ahead of time - they had me hold things together, and try to sweep the stage with a broom that then fell apart. At one point I was sent to pick up the tool box which was magnetized to the stage (so I could not), which got a huge laugh both when I attempted to pick it up, and then when the stage manager was able to pick it up without any problem. It was all very slick and lovingly crafted I think. The whole way through I actually felt that way. These were all people who were enjoying what they were doing. And there were some wonderful comedic moments. Really too many to touch on here.

I went in to the show with a lot of skepticism. I can be rather jaded when it comes to this sort of thing, because so often it is done poorly. In then end though I was very pleasantly surprised. It was a lovely way to spend an afternoon.

It was then followed by an equally lovely dinner out with a very good friend, and then a nice long chat with my parents. I even managed to spend some decent time on my self taping. I didn't learn a new piece today. Instead I put one of my audition monologues on camera. I was decently pleased with the results. Tomorrow I dedicate to my audition on thursday - memorizing, breaking things down and making some choices. I can't wait.

Day 14: Owning my Shit

I missed a day writing yesterday. But it was an incredibly productive day none the less. I went and took a screen acting class. I have taken a few other workshops in the past but none of them quite inspired me in the way that this one did. I was challenged to 'own my shit', to take responsibility for myself. The advice in this course was incredibly inspiring. And it made me want to keep coming back regularly, so hopefully that will become the norm.

A lot of what we went through yesterday was rather similar to work that I did in college. When I was at Bennington I took a class on Anne Bogart's Viewpoints, and later I was part of a collaborative physical theatre production that was built through viewpoints work. That particular show is, to this day, one of the best things I have ever worked on. The ensemble was so tight, and the piece was so interesting. Really unlike anything else. I loved working on it, and it challenged me to grow in many different ways. So to come across that sort of style again yesterday was wonderful.

The main point that we kept coming back to was to be aware of everyone else, rather than yourself. If you get caught up in watching, and judging, yourself and your own performance then there is no way that you can truly respond to what your fellow actors are giving you. You have to be open to them, to receive what they say and respond to it. A lot of it was about following impulses. I haven't been challenged like that, to actually follow my impulses rather than to approach it intellectually, in a while. Especially since I have been working mostly on my own - in a vacuum. I need to find ways of bringing that spontaneity into my self taping, which I think will be a challenge without a scene partner. Hopefully I can convince some of my friends to collaborate with me, but for the most part I will be doing this work on my own. I do think there are ways of achieving this, I just need to explore a bit.

I the class the teacher mentioned several things that I would like to look in to further. Mostly the work of Stanislavski. Now, we did touch on Stanislavski in college, but I didn't give his work the attention that I think I should have. But it is never too late to keep learning. So I think this will be extra homework outside of my daily practice, and these fortnightly classes. She also mentioned a few other books, and ideas to look in to - I heard a lot about quantum physics!

It's exciting to be approaching the work like this again. I think in the past, well certainly during my undergrad degree, I didn't dedicate myself to this sort of work in the way I wish that I had. Oh I was a dutiful student, and I did all the work and took extra classes. But I wish that I had attacked it with this sort of energy. The sort of energy we got in class yesterday was inspiring. I was so excited when I left the class that I just wanted to turn around and go back.

However, I have to admit, that I went back to some of my bad habits today - letting myself get distracted. But it wasn't all bad. I did spend a while working on my upcoming recall, the other exciting news from yesterday. Finally, having something come back to me. It is nice to have my instinct validated. So now, I get to work on my New York accent, and learn some more 60's pop for Thursday, as well as my daily practice. I am very excited to give this one another shot!

Day 12: Watching myself

I went back and watched a few of my videos from the past several days. I found this surprisingly difficult. I have gotten much better at watching my work as I am doing it - filming a take, watching it back and then trying again with adjustments. However, today I showed them to someone else. This turned out to make quite a difference. I was profoundly embarrassed. When I am watching with someone else it becomes incredibly personal. I look at the work with the viewpoint of someone other than myself, and all I see are the flaws. 

One of the scenes was incredibly same-y the whole way through, no variation at all. Another was far too over the top. There was very little middle ground. I looked at my work today and could only see how far away I was from where I wanted to be. I didn't see any of the distance that I have come.

I think this goes hand in hand with wanting to get some outside critique. Which is why I think it is so important that I take this class tomorrow. I need some direction. I don't understand how to get better work out of myself so I need some more tools. I think I also need a better approach to the work before I turn on the camera. 

Learning to watch myself is every bit as important as doing the work in the first place. If I cannot give myself constructive feedback then I can't go any further. I need to find ways to get past this block and become more comfortable putting myself out there. It is easy to share short clips on instagram because I can pick and choose the best clip. Putting the whole scene out for everyone to see is still something I find very frightening. I have been encouraged to start a youtube channel to host all of my videos. I haven't yet, partly because it terrifies me. I also am reluctant to put this early work out there, because I don't want it to count against me. I know it is unfinished, and not ready for wider consumption. I want industry professionals to see better work, and not be influenced negatively by this early stuff. 

Hopefully tomorrow will help me turn a corner. I will by no means be 'there' yet, but I think it might just be enough of a boost that I can push on. 

Day 11: And then the Rains Came

The weather has definitely turned. Goodness did it rain this morning. I always being inside when it rains. Feeling the cool breeze, and watching it come down. I sat out back for a while to take it in. 

I felt like I needed to push myself a little bit today with my acting. I think I've picked things that are in my comfort zone a bit. All acting roles that I know I could play on some level. I tend to gravitate towards nice, and happy, or funny. I needed to pick something down today. This went well with the rain too. So I decided to film out back with the rain behind me. I really liked the atmosphere. I wasn't fully satisfied with my work, but it was a start. 

I am taking a workshop on Friday. I am really looking forward to it. And I am utterly terrified. I know that I fall short in a lot of areas in film acting. I need to work on making braver choices, faster. I can make obvious choices quickly or interesting choices with rehearsal. The trick is getting them both. Hopefully this challenge will really help with that. 

I think I need to start stockpiling material. I keep scrambling for stuff on line. I really want to find a few good plays to sink my teeth in and do some extended work on, as well as having pieces to work up quickly. Time to start scouring the pilots database I found for fresh stuff. I may also need a trek to the National theatre bookstore. Start building up my books again. I have so many that I've left in the states because they are difficult to pack. 

I hate realizing all the stuff I've left behind. It's random, and it catches me by surprise. It's always something totally unexpected. I just have to keep adding to the small stash I have now! I think I might need to inspire myself with a trip to the south bank soon!!

No word on my audition from yesterday. This is not at all surprising. I know that it'll take a few days for them to turn around, and they may still be auditioning today too. Also it's highly likely I won't hear anything. I totally accept all of that, and I'm not worrying or sitting by the phone moping. It's just something that I am aware of at the back of my mind. Maybe I'll get a call. Who knows?!

Day 10: Audition Day

I'm sure my neighbors were pleased with me this morning. Up and at 'em bright and early to get ready. I always feel bad practicing (loudly) before 10am, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. I'm sure they appreciate the trumpet wake up call!

Honestly, I think things went pretty well this morning. I wouldn't say that I knocked it out of the park, but I was really pleased with my audition. It was a little bit unusual, or unexpected rather. They'd had us learn one of two songs, and asked us to bring an instrument if applicable. I agonized over what to bring in on the trumpet, and ended up spending the weekend memorizing two different pieces. I only played one, but really the practice was very helpful. I know I need to keep it up in anticipation of the next audition. That pretty much all went as expected. However at the end the director asked if there was anything else I would like to sing. Anything at all out of my book. I was a little taken aback, and I started flipping through my material to pick something similar to the genre. But he went on to clarify that he didn't mind the style, just wanted to see me perform something that I was completely comfortable in.

I wasn't quite sure how I felt about this. I mean, it's fantastic to be asked to sing whatever you like. That sort of thing never happens in an audition. And it is great to be able to go in with something that you know backwards and forwards, something you know you are good at. I tend to agonize over what to bring to an audition, trying to pick the most suitable piece for both myself and the show I am auditioning for. I really love hunting down the best song. So it was a nice, although surprising opportunity.

At the end, as I left, the director gave me some unsolicited feedback. He told me that I had done a 'really beautiful audition'. What a nice thing to hear! I can't tell you how much the positive response means. Hopefully it will then turn in to a recall, and getting cast in the show. But for the moment I am content to hold on to that one compliment. I need to remember it, and take it to heart.

Earlier this summer, I had an audition. One of the best auditions I have done in a long while. One of those auditions where you walk out of the room and know that you absolutely nailed it. That sort of feeling of security doesn't come very often. I was devastated when I then did not get the show. In fact I didn't even get a recall. It really knocked my confidence for a while. However a few weeks after the fact I got an email from them with some nice feedback. I wrote them an email thanking them, to which they then responded with further praise and encouragement. A coworker of mine crossed paths with one of the creative team, who positively mentioned my audition in particular as well.

This sort of continued feedback is practically unheard of. As someone who has worked in casting, I understand that you do remember the people who make an impression. But that information rarely gets communicated. So to be on the receiving end of that sort of encouragement and support is kind of incredible. I have definitely been doubting myself recently, and so this has been fortifying. I think it is also interesting that this is happening now, while I am pushing myself to grow and improve. The two may not be related, but I certainly feel like I am finally making some sort of progress - both within myself and outside of myself in the theatre community.

I can only hope that it continues. I know that I certainly will keep going. 10 days down, 90 to go,

Day 9: One of Those Days

I am definitely having 'one of those days'. You know the ones. Nothing feels quite right, everything is just a little bit off. It's not anything major, nothing earth shattering. But nothing is working quite the way it should.

This is a little bit alarming because I have an audition tomorrow morning. I want to walk in to that room knowing I've done my work. Knowing that everything sounds good, everything is sitting right, and I won't make any stupid mistakes. And while I have been working on the material consistently, and I know it, today I do not feel good about it. My vocal cords are dry, my fingers are sluggish. Nothing is sounds quite in time, or in tune. It's incredibly frustrating. And I am pretty sure it is my own damn fault.

After a week of virtuous living - healthy eating, exercise every day, plenty of sleep, plenty of practicing; then comes the weekend. I relaxed a little bit and let things slip. I had a lovely Sunday lunch with some friends and then grabbed a drink after dinner as well. And this has turned everything sour. It's unfortunate. Yes, perhaps I overindulged a little bit, but I didn't go crazy.

It's incredibly frustrating.

I am definitely struggling recently with the question 'why can't I have it all'? Why can't I keep up all of my skills without sacrificing any of them? Why can't I enjoy good food when I want to? And really it's not fast food or junk food. These are home cooked, or decent restaurant meals, and yet the scales creep ever upwards. Even with daily gym visits and walking everywhere. I am putting in the work, and I am not seeing the results I want to.

I am by no means giving up. This just has to become incentive to continue, and to work harder and smarter. This is why I have found new ways to focus myself and stay motivated. But I am ready for things to start paying off. So, crossing my fingers for tomorrow. I'll be up early, annoying our phantom neighbors by warming up. And hopefully the saying will hold true - Bad dress rehearsal, good opening'.

Day 8: Jack of All Trades, Master of None

I definitely have periods of time when I feel like I am trying to keep too many balls in the air. Usually these times aren't when I am actually working, but rather between jobs. When I am in a show, or working on a project, I know exactly what skills I need to be keeping up. The script, or the director, or the circumstances are pretty easy to judge. The circumstances will be set, and I will know whether I need to use a certain accent, dance style, musical style or gymnastics skill walking in the door. If not before I start the project, then certainly soon after.

However, in between shows it is a whole other game. Trying to guess which skills you'll need for the next show is impossible. So, in vain, I try and keep everything going at the same time. And it's not just singing, dancing, acting and trumpet. Acting can cover everything from comedy, to drama, to tragedy. Classical and modern. Different styles and accents. Likewise singing can be contemporary, classical, opera, operetta, pop, rock and many other styles. Dance covers jazz, ballet, tap and the list goes on. It's impossible to keep everything up.

So here I am trying to stay afloat. Picking the trumpet back up whenever an audition comes up. Knowing that there is always more that I can be doing. But at least I am in a routine at the moment. My 100 days of self taping is giving me a medium to judge my acting and actually critique myself for once, something that is very difficult to do. So I actually feel like I am making some progress for once, rather than just treading water and trying to keep afloat. It's a nice change. I still feel overwhelmed by everything, but at least for the moment there is something that I know is working.

Day 7 - Keeping up

Just a quick note before the end of the day. I'm struggling a bit with this one, since its my second post today. I don't want to fall behind because I know that it will only get harder to catch up. So here I am writing again, although all I want to do is go to bed. 

However, here goes. Thoughts on today. It's been an interesting day for viewing, two things quite on the opposite end of the scale. 

High brow: a chamber production of the opera Carmen, focusing on the idea of Carmen being in an abusive relationship. There were some beautiful performances, especially from the women. It was an interesting take on a piece that is done very frequently. However there were some weak spots in the staging and some gaps to fill. All in all though I was very impressed.

Low brow: Wet Hot American Summer Camp (or whatever the show is called). While there were parts that I found quite fun, on the whole it felt like the actors were having a whole lot more fun filming the show than I had watching it. Maybe I needed the context of the film?

I worked on my New York accent this morning while filming, in preparation for my audition on Tuesday. Feeling fairly decent about the audition. We'll see how things go. Thats all for now!

Day 6 (a day late) - When I stumble, I just get right back up

I forgot to write yesterday. At some point I sat down, pulled up the page and then choked. I couldn't figure out where to start. So I figured that I would leave it for the time being and come back to it later in the day. Except I didn't. So I am picking up again this morning.

I'll start with this. I was disappointed in my own performance at the audition on Wednesday. I was caught off guard, which is entirely my own fault. I am so used to having material to prepare for an audition that the fact they didn't give us anything threw me. I figured that so much of commercial casting comes down to the visual that I didn't have to put any thought into the audition. This, of course, is false. And rather lazy on my part. Of course they'll ask me for something. And really in reading the brief I could have figured out the sort of thing that they were looking for - positive reactions to having my hair done. It's basically a shampoo commercial. We've all seen the one - throughout the commercial you see a group of women who have been transformed by their hairdressers and they all gush about it. Not rocket science. However I felt totally cheesy and stupid in the audition. It is my job to get past this and make it truthful.

So I spent some time reworking this task yesterday. I am still not completely satisfied with my work, and this was part of why I was reluctant to put my thoughts down on paper. I still struggle with how contrived these things are, and how unnatural. This is something I need to get over. Commercials are good work, and I would be stupid to dismiss that. I made some progress yesterday, but I think I still come across pretty fake. So, I will keep going.

I also spent a large period of time looking for material yesterday. It's very easy to get caught up on that step. There is so much material out there that it is a bit daunting. It is also much more difficult to find good material written for women than it is for men. Type in 'best monologues film' and you get list upon list of people's opinions about the best screen moments. 90% of them, if not more, will be men. I found this both frustrating and infuriating. Putting the entrenched bias aside I did eventually find several good sources.

The next hurdle was actually getting to work. I struggled a bit on many fronts yesterday. I had the house to myself so it seemed like a waste not to put it to good use and tackle something more than just the audition rehash. However it is a daunting prospect, filming. This is why I want to be doing this 100 days. However, even just performing for myself is a scary prospect. Really this whole thing scares the shit out of me. I worry about coming across as narcissistic on social media, which is a stupid thing to worry about. I worry that everyone will get sick of the repetition. I worry that I'm not any good and people will hate it. So yesterday I forced myself to put some of my actual acting up on instagram. Something I had been putting off because it completely terrifies me.

The universe did reward this amazingly enough. Not only did my few close friends following me like the post, but a handful of strangers did too. Right off the bat. I was pretty floored by this. People who don't feel they have a social obligation to placate me enjoyed this? Wow! I was pretty pleased to say the least. Maybe I'm actually on the right track with some of this stuff. Now, I need to not get complacent. Lots of work still to do.

More thoughts this evening.

Day 5: Commercial time

Today I had a commercial casting. Well not really for a commercial, it was for a 'corporate thing' but it was basically a commercial casting. This is the first one of these I have done in a long long time. And I think I have only done one other in the past. My, commercials are odd things aren't they?

You arrive wherever they've sent you. The room is full of people who look an awful lot like you. They call you in to the room where you have to stand facing forward, then both profiles (like a mug shot). Then they give you some weird scenario to act out, no script .... And, go!

You don't quite realize how weird commercials are until you've had to audition for one. I watch tv and sit there and think how bizarre that must have been to film. It feels really really unnatural to act out these scenarios by yourself too.

So this is my project for tomorrows self taping. Going through the scenario from today and trying to make it feel less unnatural. I'm working tonight, and I think I'll spend the rest of the afternoon looking for more potential material.

Also, I have an audition for next week as well - for a show this time. So I've got some stuff to prep for that. It's always nice to have specific things to work on.

Day 4: Getting Down to Business

Right, so I finally feel like things have gotten under way a bit. And now I can't fake it any more. Its beginning to dawn on me how huge this task is going to be. I definitely have my work cut out for me.

I spent a long time today trying to figure out what the next step was. And then even longer looking for material. And then some time feeling like I was out of my depth. I did eventually get around to having a second go at a monologue I was given at a screen auditioning class I took a few weeks ago. I was actually pretty pleased with the results in the end. Although it did take me several tries just to get a clean take.

I think I might have to find a better method for self taping. Right now I am just using the camera on my phone, which is not a bad camera. Its also helpful to have the material on my phone so that I can send it off or upload it elsewhere as need be. This isn't so much a concern now, but hopefully in the future I'll be taping some auditions. However, I have been facing the screen away from me, because I think it will be too distracting the other way around. But this means that I cannot see whether I am actually in the shot (as the image resets to the default in between every video) or if I am in focus. There have been at least a few takes that would have been ok, but for the fact that you can't actually see my face. I guess it is all part of the learning process.

I am feeling a little bit at sea here. I have no background or formal training in screen work, so I feel like I am not qualified to critique myself. Or rather, that I don't know how to change things to make them better. However, I shouldn't give in to self doubt like that - I know that I have decent judgement when it comes to other people. I just need to learn to be objective and approach some of this work as a director as well. I think it will be an interesting challenge.

Finding material to work on I think is going to be one of the hardest tasks. Luckily I have found several decent internet databases - scripts and pilots and a commercial voice overs. But I need to do my ground work for this. And once I do pick something the impulse is to either dive in immediately or spend ages working on it. I know in real life the parameters will usually be somewhere in between the two, so finding that balance is going to be important.

I've got a few other thoughts bouncing around in my head tonight, but I think I will let them develop a bit before I set them down here.

#100daysofselftaping

What can you do in 100 days of creating? This question was posed by a friend of mine. Well, really it was someone on the internet. But the challenge was taken up by the wonderful Charissa, a friend of mine from Seattle, now living and working in LA. She decided that for 100 days she would put something down on film. I followed her progress through instagram and other social media platforms, and I have to admit I was really impressed. And inspired. 

Why couldn't I do that?

So here I am, following in her footsteps. Thank you, Charissa, for the inspiration. I have decided that I will complete the #100daysofselftaping! Today was day three. I am going to work on it in conjunction with my daily writing goals as well. I think the two will go nicely hand in hand. 

Over these 100 days I think I will learn a ton. Mostly though, I want to become much more comfortable in front of the camera. I have been a stage actor all of my life, and I really want to branch out. I did a few short films earlier this year, and had an absolute blast. Really, I just want to make sure I am as versatile as I can possibly be. Film work pays good money. And, more and more the television being produced is smart and interesting, the sort of work that I would love to be involved with. 

Increasingly, even stage casting briefs ask for submissions from actors with show reels. I do not have one. I have been meaning to get one for a while, but it is a difficult task. It is nearly impossible to get cast in any sort of film project without having a reel already. And, while I have done a few short films, I have not amassed enough footage to create a full reel. There are companies you can pay to film one for you. However, these full service reels are incredibly expensive. To top it off there is no guarantee that the results will be any good. There are many acting on camera classes available across London. I have taken a few, and I plan on attending more. However, these also cost money. So I have been trying to figure out ways to maximize the results for the money that I will have to put in. This project, I hope, will be one way of doing that.

I have already experienced a few of the obstacles that I will face over these next 100 days. One of these is finding material, I have turned to the internet to help me with this task, but I know it will be a struggle. Another is that I don't have experience with the business - I have only been in for one commercial casting, and I have limited experience on a film set. Hopefully the classes that I take will be able to help with this. 

I know I will come across many others before my 100 days are done. For now though, I am excited. Who knows where this could lead! 

Day 2 - Exercises in discipline

Its day two of my challenge to myself. Already I am struggling with what to fill this space with. I have made several initial attempts and none of them have been quite right. So rather than trying to explain myself, or come up with anything insightful, I will simplify.

What is it that I want?

Mostly I want to avoid the usual pitfalls of an actor out of work. It's all too easy to lose focus and get discouraged. I know, as every actor knows, from experience. So, lets get a little more specific. Having a daily regime is helpful, but what else can I gain from this.

I would like to improve my writing first of all. I don't think of myself as a writer. Yes I can do it, but I lack the ideas. And, yes it has been pointed out to me that if I wait for inspiration to strike it will never come. So here I am, not waiting. I don't know if I want to write fiction, but I do enjoy analytical writing. In the past, this blog has served as a forum for me to share my thoughts on shows I have seen. This is definitely something that I would like to continue.

I have set myself another task to partner with my daily writing. A performance based task. Already I have had some thoughts about my project and this space will be useful in helping me clarify those thoughts. I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and I want to make it count.

These are my main goals. Well at least for now. I am sure they will change as I start figuring out what I need and want. Maybe I will do some creative writing, maybe not. Who knows. At least the task has begun. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about my acting task.

Begin again, again!

Hello again!

Its been a long while since I have updated the adventures of Captain Kate. In that time many things have happened. Many adventures have advented, many battles lost and won. Too many to recount now, although I may at a later date. Almost certainly.

I am returning to my chronicles again for a few reasons, These are not necessarily the reasons for which I started chronicling. When I set out to catalog my capers it was with the aim of sharing them with friends and family afar. Now, I find I want them more for myself. I have reached a point, a familiar point for you all I am sure, where I need a bit of a nudge. I need to get myself out of a rut and force myself to get up and running again. This is a place I have found myself before, and one I will surely face again in my future.

I have good friends who are full of good advice. And often the advice I am given is to get out and make some work for myself. Now, like many, I often feel that this is out of my reach. It is all too easy to create barriers and obstacles for ones self. And barriers sure are daunting. So I have decided, that rather than attack these barriers head on, and most likely become discouraged when I cannot bring them down in one fell swoop, I am going to be sneaky and chip away at them. Hopefully without them noticing.

So to that effect I have set myself a few tasks, one of which is this. I must write. And I must write every day. At some point I will probably give myself more parameters for my writing. I do love having parameters to work within. But for now the challenge is to do, and be consistent. I have other tasks, but I shall go in to them at a later date.

Now I know that these are not terribly original musings, nor are they hugely insightful. They may not be entertaining to read or follow. I might not make all of my entries public. But for now I just need to shout in to the void, to get myself going. Please forgive me my ramblings and feel free to go your separate ways. For now, it is enough for me just to say that I am here. And thus, it is begun.