I am definitely having 'one of those days'. You know the ones. Nothing feels quite right, everything is just a little bit off. It's not anything major, nothing earth shattering. But nothing is working quite the way it should.
This is a little bit alarming because I have an audition tomorrow morning. I want to walk in to that room knowing I've done my work. Knowing that everything sounds good, everything is sitting right, and I won't make any stupid mistakes. And while I have been working on the material consistently, and I know it, today I do not feel good about it. My vocal cords are dry, my fingers are sluggish. Nothing is sounds quite in time, or in tune. It's incredibly frustrating. And I am pretty sure it is my own damn fault.
After a week of virtuous living - healthy eating, exercise every day, plenty of sleep, plenty of practicing; then comes the weekend. I relaxed a little bit and let things slip. I had a lovely Sunday lunch with some friends and then grabbed a drink after dinner as well. And this has turned everything sour. It's unfortunate. Yes, perhaps I overindulged a little bit, but I didn't go crazy.
It's incredibly frustrating.
I am definitely struggling recently with the question 'why can't I have it all'? Why can't I keep up all of my skills without sacrificing any of them? Why can't I enjoy good food when I want to? And really it's not fast food or junk food. These are home cooked, or decent restaurant meals, and yet the scales creep ever upwards. Even with daily gym visits and walking everywhere. I am putting in the work, and I am not seeing the results I want to.
I am by no means giving up. This just has to become incentive to continue, and to work harder and smarter. This is why I have found new ways to focus myself and stay motivated. But I am ready for things to start paying off. So, crossing my fingers for tomorrow. I'll be up early, annoying our phantom neighbors by warming up. And hopefully the saying will hold true - Bad dress rehearsal, good opening'.
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