Thursday, August 27, 2015

Day 12: Watching myself

I went back and watched a few of my videos from the past several days. I found this surprisingly difficult. I have gotten much better at watching my work as I am doing it - filming a take, watching it back and then trying again with adjustments. However, today I showed them to someone else. This turned out to make quite a difference. I was profoundly embarrassed. When I am watching with someone else it becomes incredibly personal. I look at the work with the viewpoint of someone other than myself, and all I see are the flaws. 

One of the scenes was incredibly same-y the whole way through, no variation at all. Another was far too over the top. There was very little middle ground. I looked at my work today and could only see how far away I was from where I wanted to be. I didn't see any of the distance that I have come.

I think this goes hand in hand with wanting to get some outside critique. Which is why I think it is so important that I take this class tomorrow. I need some direction. I don't understand how to get better work out of myself so I need some more tools. I think I also need a better approach to the work before I turn on the camera. 

Learning to watch myself is every bit as important as doing the work in the first place. If I cannot give myself constructive feedback then I can't go any further. I need to find ways to get past this block and become more comfortable putting myself out there. It is easy to share short clips on instagram because I can pick and choose the best clip. Putting the whole scene out for everyone to see is still something I find very frightening. I have been encouraged to start a youtube channel to host all of my videos. I haven't yet, partly because it terrifies me. I also am reluctant to put this early work out there, because I don't want it to count against me. I know it is unfinished, and not ready for wider consumption. I want industry professionals to see better work, and not be influenced negatively by this early stuff. 

Hopefully tomorrow will help me turn a corner. I will by no means be 'there' yet, but I think it might just be enough of a boost that I can push on. 

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